The Yellow Jogging Shorts Story

This story was passed on to me by Crash. It happened to a guy he knows, and no, it DID NOT happen to him. He is not the guy! Here's what he told me:

A pediatrician he knows lives on the upper west side and goes for a jog through central park a few days a week before work. One morning last July, it was above 90 degrees early in the morning, so he went out for his jog shirtless, wearing only sneakers and a pair of yellow jogging shorts. He tosses his keys to his doorman on the way out. Also, and I don't know why, he was freeballing it that day. This would later prove to be a costly mistake. You know where this is headed yet?

Anyway, about a mile into his jog he realizes he's having some stomach problems and he needs to find a bathroom. Finally he spots a small bathroom house in the park and darts in. But he was slightly too late, he takes the yellow shorts off and realizes he didn't quite make it. He needs to wash the shorts off.

He heads to the sink and lifts the faucet handle, but nothing comes out......It's the summer and they're conserving water. Realizing he can't put the shorts back on without cleaning them 1st, he steps back into the stall and puts his shorts in the toilet. The problem was that the still water wasn't really getting them clean. He needs to flush the toilet to get some current running through them.

Yes. Wait for it.....Wait for it.....

Picture what happened next.

He flushes the toilet, but the suction is so fast and powerful that the toilet sucks his shorts right out of his hand. SHORTS---GONE.
MAN---NAKED EXCEPT FOR SNEAKERS.
LOCATION--MIDDLE OF CENTRAL PARK.
TIME---9AM.

Ok, got that picture? So he takes a few steps out the door of the bathroom house and sees a group of kids on a class trip walking by. He can't even think about making a break for it, so he goes back into the bathroom. He tries to do what he can by covering himself in toilet paper, but it's just not happening. After a few minutes a homeless guy cruises into the bathroom.

Doctor---Hey fella, I'm in a bit of a tight spot here. Can you help me out?
Homeless Guy---(sizes up the situation for a minute).....Give me your shoes.

The doctor gives him his sneakers, the homeless guy tries to put them on but they are a size 9 and the homeless guy is about a 15. The homeless guy ties the sneakers to his cart and hands the doctor a plastic bag. The doc fashions himself a plastic grocery bag loin cloth and exits the bathroom. He finally gets back to his building wearing only a pair of socks and plastic bag.

Doorman----WHAT THE?!!!
Doctor----Don't even fucking ask just open the door!!!